Holiday Eating Tips

Proverbs 17:22 tells us that “A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine” so here is a dose of medicine today.  It also lets you all know that I do have something other than a serious side.  I found this in 2008, copied it, and don’t recall that anyone gave credit for the creating of it.  Today I decided to do some PC Keeping and clean out old, unused files.  This one, however, is a keeper!

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!  (note from Karyl:  obviously I did not create these tips.  I hate egg nog!)

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day ?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. (again, I LIKE fruitcake.  Somehow  you expected that didn’t you?)

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”



  1. Glenda

    Great rules to live by! At my sister’s on Thursday, I actually had SIX pieces of pie!! Of course, they were just slivers, but they filled up the little dessert plate that Nellie had set out for us to use. Now, that’s a total waste of time, IMO! I mean, if you’re going to have seven desserts offered, don’t expect them all to fit on that tiny plate! 🙂 Yes, I did skip one of the pies, but the rest were absolutely delicious!! Oh, and I do like eggnog, but nowadays, it does such a number on my sugar that I just have to pass it up in the store. Allen doesn’t care for it at all, so that’s just a bit of money saved that I can spend on ice cream! 🙂 I do like certain fruitcakes, but I’m a bit picky about them…give me lots of fruit and nuts and not so much cake, and I’m right there! Thank you for these chuckles today! Oh, and no worries—I know you have a sense of humor! You would have to have one to deal with all those grandsons! 🙂

  2. And I’d like to add number 10.5: Drink all the Christmas Season flavored coffee creamer you can!!!! It’s only around for a few months. I’m just sayin 🙂 Kenny T

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: