For the last three months I have dreaded the day coming on Saturday. Usually, I don’t mind a birthday because once someone has battled cancer, a birthday is a good thing. However, this year I have dreaded entering a new decade. Curious as to why I must be feeling this way, I finally talked to the social director at the nursing home where I volunteer. She was free of charge and graciously took time with me.
Her first question actually answered my question. She asked, “Do you feel that you have accomplished goals you set out for yourself?” My answer actually may sound arrogant, but, yes, I have met most of my realistic goals. Realistic is the key word.
So, I am content to stay here a little longer and see what lies ahead. One day at a time, is the goal. I feel no anxiety over what is unfinished. The dread of growing older is the looming cloud of poor health. My eyesight is worrisome but I don’t dwell on it. Once in a while it is actually a positive because I can honestly say, “Oh, I didn’t see that.” I have a few friends at church who will quietly read things to me in a power point presentation and friends who volunteer to read a menu to me without making me feel like a burden. Riding public transportation is not bad at all. I have time. Those are good things.
As my endurance has changed, so have God’s assignments. Now I write a blog instead of teaching a Sunday school class. Now I encourage the grandchildren instead of teaching a room of 100+ children in a Children’s Church. Now I sing to the Lord with my little granddaughter because she likes to sing “Rolled Away” and “I May Never March in the Infantry” instead of church choir. I didn’t have time when I was younger and working 40 hours a week.
A lingering promise God gave me years ago was true then and true today: “. . .as thy days, so shall thy strength be.” Deuteronomy 33:25